I have a quirk. Ok, I have a lot of quirks. This quirk however, affects no one but myself: the best kind of quirk! You see, I absolutely hate laundry. I don’t know too many people that actually like doing laundry. Me though, I really hate laundry! Luckily for me, my husband – God bless that man – doesn’t hate it quite as much as I do. While I am incredibly grateful I don’t have to do the laundry often, he does make me put my own clothes away…*sigh. I know, pity poor me. I have it so rough.
So, being the hater of laundry that I am and being a recovering slob (more on that another day), long ago I decided that underthings don’t require folding and socks don’t require matching. I have 2 drawers dedicated to this disaster plan of mine and it works better than you would think.
One drawer is for all the underthings, (underwear, shapewear, slips, etc… except bras, I hang those bad boys on a tie rack – genius, I know!) and the other is for ALL OF THE SOCKS. Well, all of my socks in this case.
There is a method to my madness, I promise!
There is always a method to my madness. It may not always be obvious to the casual observer (or if we’re being real, any observer), but there really and truly is a thought out plan of attack! Socks are just a bother. I love socks over bare feet when it’s cold. I love socks when I’m reading or binge watching an 1990s sci-fi series. I love socks with boots and tennis shoes. But if I can get away with wearing a pair of sandals when it’s warm, I’ll do that instead. Socks suck.
1. Socks NEVER wear out at the same rate.
Have you ever noticed that? Even if you are religious about wearing the same 2 socks together all of the time, one of them is bound to fall apart before the other. Sometimes it’s because you’ve been slacking on clipping your toenails and they knife their way through one toe, but not the other.
Other times it’s that the heal on one side becomes so thread-bare that you can see your poor cracked calluses (which I know you’ve been meaning to do something about) through it well before the other gives up the ghost.
Then there is the fall back excuse of an accident. You caught in the zipper of boot. The cat got it. The dog it. The kid got it. You know, the usual suspects of destruction. It doesn’t matter how, the reality is that no 2 socks have the same lifespan. None.
2. Socks are pain in the butt to match
If you think you can argue this fact with me, I humbly submit the hundreds of memes dedicated to missing socks as evidence in the case. Most likely, you too have been the victim of, “The Case of The Missing Sock: A Cookbook for Washing Machines and Dryers Everywhere.”
Have you ever been rearranging furniture and found a stash of your socks that the cat dragged there so he could chill with them? Another one of my favorite sock loss stories is when you are pulling the clothes out of the washer or dryer and drop “something” but you can never figure out what it was or find it again. Yeah, that’s always great too.
Just like socks don’t die at the same times, they never seem to run away together either. So you stand over your basket of laundry frantically digging for a match that is no longer there to be found. OR, you’re like I used to be and you neatly lay out all of the socks and play a game of match 2 until you run out of socks and throw the rest back in the basket, hoping that their matches will eventually make an appearance. Spoiler alert: they don’t.
3. Folding, rolling, or cuffing socks together is cumbersome
As I see it, there are 4 ways to pair your socks (there is actually way more than that, but who has time or energy to invest in learning about all the ways you can fold socks?). You have the folders. These are the people that take the time to find matches to their socks and the ever so delicately match up the heals, ankles, and toes, which they then precede to fold in half and turn it inside out over itself. If you a folder of socks, you know this process well. If you are not, you may have no idea what I’m talking about and may choose to Google or YouTube the process. I advise against this, as the way I’m going to tell you about makes so much more sense! 😉
Then you have the rollers. Rollers come in 2 varieties. You have the military rollers who roll their socks and then fold the cuffs over the roll to keep them tightly in place and to save space. And you have the rolling rollers. These people fold their socks in half and roll them into what one can only consider a money roll. Sort of like the way some people fold/roll towels I guess. This way never made sense to me. I always got them messed up by the time I wanted the last few pairs anyway.
Next, you have the cuffers. Cuffers come in a couple (or multiple) varieties, but the way I’m talking about specifically are the ones who match their socks up heal to heal and then “cuff” the ankles over to keep the pair together. Again, I always manage to make more of a mess with this one than ever actually helps the situation. So I gave up on this way too.
Finally, The “Right” Way to Deal With Socks
Ok, I know the “right” way is totally up to you. But in my 31+ years on this earth, I have had time to experiment with many different methods in the ways of socks. Trust me, you’re going to love this!
So, back to my sock drawer. This is a dumping ground for all things sock-like (except hosiery, those tend to strangle the whole mess and make it an actual disaster, those go in a mesh bag…like sock jail). I put all the rest of my clothes away first. What is left is usually the underthings and the socks. I separate out the underthings and put them in their free-wheeling drawer, and then I literally dump all of the socks into their drawer.
Now, you’re probably saying to yourself that I have only put off the inevitability of having to match my socks on the fly. WRONG. The other thing I do, is buy all of the same socks. Sure, they may have a different color accent line, the main colors may different, but I make sure to have all of the same style of sock. This keeps things simple. It doesn’t matter how many go missing, die from too much attention, or get eaten by the laundry machines. All I ever have to do is reach into that drawer blindly (or in most cases, the dark) and grab 2, slam those babies on my feet, and voila! Socks are done for the day.
It is imperative to have all of the same style, or at least no more than 2 styles. I say this because the feeling of very different styles of socks on each foot is more than I can handle. Maybe if you are less obsessive about that kind of thing it’s not a problem, but for me…it’s too much! Color though? I don’t care. My socks are in my shoes, where you can’t see them. And if they are out where they can be seen, I am around those people that don’t care about my quirks, maybe they even embrace my quirks!
With all of that being said, there really is no right or wrong way to deal with your hoard of socks. I will leave this time honored question in your hands: To pair or not to pair? That is the question.